Things and thoughts

-My friend Dominik from Berlin was here yesterday. I do like him so much, basically because he is easy to be with. We don't hear much from each other for months or even years and then when we do meet we can talk and talk feel good in each others company. I wanna go visit him in Berlin! I love the city and it will be fun to spent some more time together.

-Having this positive example of an long-distance friendship does not make it easier for me that Birger will be gone in just little more than three months. We're quarreling and I'm over sesitive around him. The feeling of a great loss is sneaking up on me already and I kind of think it has to do with Mom and all that. Of course he's not dying. He'll be somewhere. But he'll be out of my everyday life and I really hate that thought so much.

-I'm not looking forward to new years eve or the party. Fuckin' Party. I'm taking Yvonne to keep me from drinking too much. And stalking poor C. I have such a talent to destroy things that might have been good. I just hope I won't break down, neither at midnight nor anytime else while I'm there. Yvonne will probably have to stay at my place for the night. Another way to keep me from doing some more things to regret later on. I really wish I could have a positive start for 2009. I'm doubtful...

-Birger gave me a self-help book about how to organize yourself as an artist in order to make money from your art. Weird gift, especially from him. Dubious author and publisher BUT maybe I'll learn something I should just read it. Won't hurt. And if it doesn't kill me by boring me I might get something out of it. Be open! should be my mantra for the coming year.

-I'll never have a real relationship with a man again. I'm actually pretty sure about that now. Sure, but not happy.

-I'll take a shower now....