Heart in a cage

I basically stopped posting here alltogether. Mostly because I also have a blog in my native language that I update quite frequentley. One that's actually read by people I know. I told nobidy about this site, just because I wanted to have a place to complain and brag and talk bad about people unnoticed. Just to get it off my chest. Write in english. Be more honest than anywhere probably. Blurb out things kept save in my chest for ages. You get the idea. I only feel like I have to bring you, dear non-existant reader, up to date with things now. And it's been so long. You know, I don't think I can possibly tell you everything, not because so fuckin much happend. But because my feelings and thoughts about everything race so much. I can hardly keep up myself to be true. I'm still too much in love withe the bartender guy who doesn't want me. While I've been busying myself getting away from other guys who suddenly showed an interest in me, right in front of the one I actually would want I drank too much. I always drink too much. Then there is this other bartender (just the fact, that the only uys I seem to meet are working in bars tells a lot about me, don't you think?!) who likes me and I don't. Yes, it's not that I'm not of any interest for anyone. It's just the eternal vicious circle that I'm "loved" by spmeone I don't care about while the one I care about likes but not loves me and probably (just a wild guess...) loves someone with a boyfriend. I don't know that last part, I just assume it could be like that because that's how it usually goes. Maybe there is some god who kills boredom by setting up ridiculous little love triangles, watches us move about like rats in cages.