Do you really want to hear any more tales of my bartender misery? I'm sure you don't BUT too bad. I'm in charge here, so. Actually it is not even a story. This whole thing's long turned into some kind of ridiciously absurd fairy tale. No happy endeing in sight anywhere.
Well. Before last night I had not seen him in about 6 or seven weeks. Not since the night of the stupid fall, remember? Of course you do. Well, I went there last night, he did not work but eventually showed up, said "Hi" real quick and basically ran away. Ok. I get it. But, in the back of my racing head I just know that he's very likely to be all nice and smiles and irritating signals of affection next time we meet. Because that's how it appears to be with the two of us. It does go on my nerves pretty bad. I just wish he could decide on a how to be around me. And honestly it does not help that all my friends are constantly commenting on his or my or our behaviour. It's difficult enough to decode his damn signalcode without them whispering observations in my ear, observations totally fueled by their best wishes - for me. They (especially Anna) wish this to happen at least as much as I do. Well, more. Because I'm not sure at all. I don't know a whole lot about him. He's fairly nice and as fairly attractive. I don't even know what he does apart from bartending. If he does anything at all. I came to think that just maybe he materializes on the doorstep of that place every time, and that he is non-existent in the real outside world. Well. Seriously. I just use him to project a phantasy. I know so little of him that it is really easy to come up with ideas about him that are very nice and pleasent but purely fictional outbursts of my poor brain...
Since I know all that and am so great at analyzing my own head and heart - I should just stop. As always: urgent (real!) problems pile up in front of me once again. I should just stop. I won't stop. I'm fuckin' stupid you know!?
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